On dating, booksellers and rejection therapy.

This blog post contains adult themes. If you don’t want to read about “adult themes” skip this one.

“You’ve got to read this,” he said as he pushed the book across the counter towards me.

I was up north in Petoskey, Michigan with my friends Rich and Tonya to ring in the New Year and we were strolling through the downtown, when I spotted it.

An independent bookstore.

Like a moth to the flame, I was lured inside.

The bookseller was a nerdy guy who I immediately hit it off with. We spent 15 minutes swapping book recommendations, before he picked up Empire of the Vampire and told me I had to read it.

“You’re going to love this.”

I’m not much of a vampire lit person, but I am into nerdy booksellers, so I purchased it.

“Here’s my number. Call me and tell me how you like it.”

I looked over at Rich, who had a sly grin on his face, who had been watching this whole interaction.

The bells on the door chimed as we left, and Rich exclaimed, “Laura - I know it when I see it. That guy definitely likes you. Invite him over for New Years Eve tomorrow! He gave you his number!”

Was this my own meet cute?!

The next night, I stared at my phone for 10 minutes, figuring out how to invite the bookseller over.

I hadn’t started the book - I couldn’t pretend to talk about it.

The phone rang, and I looked up at Tonya nervously, who told me to call and strike up a conversation about visiting Petoskey and get his recommendations.

“Hi, this is Laura - the woman you sold the vampire book to? I’m wondering what people do in Petoskey for New Years?”

We had a nice enough conversation about Petoskey for a couple minutes, but it didn’t lead anywhere.

“That’s weird. Did you ask him to come over?” Rich asked.

I didn’t. I chickened out.

“I’m so bad at this.” I bemoaned.

A few days later I returned to Detroit and as I was unpacking I saw Empire of the Vampire sitting inside my suitcase.

I got to reading.

Certainly I could find SOMETHING in this book to talk to him about and call back.

I wasn’t going to let this “meet cute” slip through my fingers!

Thirty pages in, I found it.

This book had a wildly graphic love scene about - shield your eyes - period cunnilingus (was it a message?!) and I took it as a sign to call the bookseller again and ask him directly about the love scene.

Is there a better ice breaker?!

(Or is there a worse ice breaker?! I was about to find out.)

So naturally, I opened the conversation with, “Hi Mark, it’s Laura - the woman you recommended the vampire book to. I just wanted to touch base with you on the period cunnilingus - I didn’t realize I was going to be reading a vampire porn novel?!”

Mark laughed and we talked for a couple minutes about the book and life, when I asked him if he ever made it downstate - he’d told me that his brother lived here.

“I don’t that often, but it’s where my girlfriend’s family lives.”

EXCUSE ME, Mark, your girlfriend?

How have I never heard of this woman in all our other conversations?

Who gives out their phone number to random women and asks them to call, when they have a girlfriend?!

I quickly got off the phone, embarrassed and deflated.

I spent a few minutes bewildered by what had just happened, and then shrugged it off.

At least I tried!

We’ve all had our bubble burst, at one time or another. Whether it’s by a prospective date, a lead who says “Thanks but no thanks”, losing out on a client proposal, coming in fourth at the sports competition, or any other number of things.

And especially for entrepreneurs like you, rejection is a part of our business.

When I got my first sales job selling magazine ads at age 25, my mom, a lifelong saleswoman told me this:

"It takes 9 “No’s” to get to 1 “Yes”. Start seeking out the No’s because you need to get through them to find the Yes."

It completely shifted my idea of how to “sell” and reframed my fear around hearing No.

So this week, when you’re thinking about if you should reach out - whether it’s to a prospective client or a cute bookseller - do it.

The more you hear No, the easier it gets.

And at least you tried.

It’s only through trying, that we can build the experience necessary to get better. And remember, the more you hear No, the closer you’re getting to your Yes.

Hi, I'm Laura Khalil (KUH-lil) and I'm dedicated to helping ambitious women find bigger contracts in the next 60 days, and rebalance the scale of financial justice in our favor!

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